An Un-Hypothetical Situation

Let me ask, who wants to be a part of an unhealthy relationship? Come on, I know you want to be involved with someone who you need to manipulate to like you. Or how about the type of relationship where you need to constantly convince the other person that they need to like themselves. It is difficult to be involved in either of these types of relationships. Here is the good news, you do have a choice.

I was having an engaging conversation the other day when an “un-hypothetical situation” came up. The person I was chatting with shared about their most recent “relationship” that crashed and burned. They were just a few dates in when the call came…

“This isn’t going to work. I just always get hurt right about now. This is when you will start choosing work over me…” (you can fill in any other excuses, comments or irrational fears that are being brought forward from the past. I am sure that you have heard of many of these yourself.)

The woman that broke off the relationship was clearly functioning from her past hurts and bad relationship experiences. The man I was talking with was frustrated because he is longing for a healthy relationship. He knew this relationship wasn’t it, but he was still hurt (understandably so) because he was being “punished” or “dumped” for things that he didn’t do!

That is when we started talking about the choices that he has in this relationship – and all others for that matter.

I asked him, “Without making her wrong or right, good or bad – do you want to have a relationship like this in your life?”  He started laughing, “No. I don’t want to be held responsible for the hurts of her past. I want to be judged on who I am – not the people she has dated in her past.” Ok then, wish her well. Thank her for the life lesson…and then call…NEXT!

The key to a healthy relationship is to choose to be with healthy people. I am not just talking people who eat their fruits and vegetables, but people who are secure in themselves and are willing to work on building a relationship that consists of good communication, healthy boundaries, support, caring and companionship.

The question is a really simple question. It may not be easy, but it is simple. When you are in the process of meeting people, as you are getting to know them, ask yourself the question, “Do I choose to have a person like this in my life? or Do I choose this for my future relationship and lifestyle?” By saying “No” you are not being mean to them or making their lifestyle choice wrong, you just are choosing not to have it. By saying no to something you don’t want, you are saying “Yes” to you and who you really are.


Need help defining what your ideal relationship really looks like? Download our workbook, Creating “Mr. or Mrs. Right’s” Job Description.