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Being vs Doing

Success in any aspect of life isn’t about just doing the actions on a to-do list, but heavily involves your intentions. In other words, there is a lot of power tied to the person you choose to be in your relationships and interactions. It is a combination of the two. “Being” includes “doing”, so don’t plan on getting out your meditation mats and expect to levitate to success.

A great example of this is Kelly, one of the babysitters that my sister and I had growing up. Now the “doing” part of watching my sister and I stated the “babysitter” (we weren’t really “babies” at the time – actually more like pre-teens) would come over at a specified time and make sure that my sister and I didn’t kill each other or burn the house down while my folks were out doing what they had to do. My mom had a list of several candidates that she knew could do the job, but whenever my mom asked who she should ask first, we would both yell, “KELLY-BELLY!!!!”

Now the other sitters on the list had just as much success with fending off fire and death, but there was something extra special about Kelly – it was the person she was “being while she was doing” that made her the favorite babysitter. Kelly was always full of fun, laughter, caring and playfulness; however she had her own boundaries and she upheld the “rules” set forth by my parents. For example, one time we wanted to bake cookies while my parents were out for an evening on the town. Not only did she say yes, but Kelly was right there with us, elbow deep in flour and sugar, laughing and carrying on. When we got done creaming the butter and sugar, Kelly became worried that the recipe wasn’t going to make enough cookies – so she suggested we make a double batch. After doubling the amount of cookie dough and the amount of mess, it quickly became time for us to go to bed. To honor my parent’s rules, she still made us go to bed even though there was still several dozen cookies that needed to be baked. What we found in the morning is that Kelly finished baking the remaining 7 dozen cookies and cleaned up the kitchen before my parents came home. Kelly chose to be a fun, loving, caring and respectful babysitter which earned her a permanent job at our house as well as referrals to other families.

So what does my story of “Kelly” Poppins have to do with dating? It is an example of how success is not just doing a checklist of tasks, but it is who you are being while you do that checklist.

My Dating-Guide-Double-Dog-Dare to you:

  1. Write down a list of words that describe the person you are or the person you want to be using the present tense. For example, I am happy. I am supportive. I am funny. I am love. I am respectful. I am adventurous. There are really no wrong answers. (***WARNING*** Some answers might be a little less fulfilling attributes. “I am a jerk.” would be an example of one that may not be so supportive.)
  2. Now take note of how you “show up in life.” A great way to get a read on this is how other people describe the way they see you in life, especially the people that don’t know you very well.For example, I am fun. The way I showed up the other night was confirmed when someone I had just met saw me on the dance floor, and commented, “Wow, she is really having a great time dancing! She is fun!” In hearing those comments, I was reassured that my intention of being happy was being fulfilled, even while I was doing the impression of a acting like a fish out of water.An example of how this would show an incongruency in your intention and your reality is if you claim to be adventurous; yet when you get the opportunity to take a hot air balloon ride, you decline because it seems unsafe. Declining the ride because of safety isn’t bad, it just isn’t in alignment with someone who describes themselves as adventurous.
  3. If you see a discrepancy in the way you are being and the way you want to be, don’t worry — You can change it! Start by asking yourself, “What would a (fill in the blank) person do in this situation?” Then do that – despite the feelings that may come up that might try to stop you!

Who do you want to be? Would you like some support and feedback on being happier, more adventurous, more supportive in your relationships? Try out a complimentary coaching session!